


What You Lost

by Harleythegeekqueen



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Gen, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 08:35:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11204343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harleythegeekqueen/pseuds/Harleythegeekqueen
Summary: After Dean asks for a break the reader desperately holds on to her dreams that they will be reunited soon. However, Dean’s best intentions may never allow those dreams to pass.





	What You Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this challenge [here](http://mamaredd123.tumblr.com/post/160200978292/shred-some-hearts-challenge). My prompt was "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac which can be listened to [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XecDz-o-KnY).   
> The story went in a different direction than I originally intended but I still like it. Meaning it’s angsty and sad but that’s why these tests are for. The lyrics are bolded. As always feedback and kudos are appreciated.

**Now here we go again, you say**

**You want your freedom**

**Well who am I to keep you down**

**It’s only right that you should**

**Play the way you feel**

     “What do you want me to say, Dean? If this is what you claim you need then I can’t stop you.” You had known this was coming in the back of your mind. A once beautiful relationship had been laden with arguments and hurtful comments for a while. Sam and Cas even voiced their opinions on the tension. You weren’t sure what had happened but you loved Dean too much to hold him back if he didn’t feel that way for you anymore.

     “I don’t want you to leave the bunker, Y/N. Just with the Darkness and everything I just think we need to take a break.” Dean wouldn’t meet your eyes but you nodded deciding you needed alone time to process this. Dean had been a mess since the Mark was removed and the Darkness had been unleashed. It’s honestly when the fighting began despite your assurances that you loved him and wouldn’t leave his side.

     “I’ll move my things to another room, Dean. I just hope  **you listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness** ,” Dean reached for you but you turned heading to your once shared room to take your things to another room. You didn’t want him to see you cry. It was just a break like he said and getting out there he would probably realize how silly this all was.

**Thunder only happens when it’s raining**

**Players only love you when they’re playing**

**Say women they come and they will go**

**When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know, you’ll know**

     For two months you watched Dean sleep his way through damn near every woman he met. He was back to being the cocky boy you’d first met at your Uncle Bobby’s house. He barely looked at you when you were together and that hurt more than the women. He knew what it was doing was hurting you. Sam noticed the toll it was taking on you but you urged him to keep it to himself. You reminded him that you and Dean weren’t even together so it wasn’t like he was cheating. But with each passing day, your heart broke a little more as you realized this hadn’t been a break. Dean had been yours for so long that the idea of life without him hurt but he obviously was no longer in love with you. But you still couldn’t force yourself to leave.

**I keep my visions to myself, it’s only me**

**Who wants to wrap around your dreams and,**

**Have you any dreams you’d like to sell?**

     Hope was a dangerous concept when the love of your life no longer wants you. In your dreams, Dean came back to you pleading for forgiveness that he never needed to. He was forgiven always. But they were only dreams. Dean never was going to come around no matter how badly you hoped for it. Then you all found out the Darkness was not only God’s sister but that she wanted Dean. You knew then why Dean had pushed you away. He was trying to protect you but you didn’t need protecting. Of course, when you demanded the truth he denied it. He even yelled telling you to accept it was over or you would have to leave.

   “You said it was just a break,” you hated how small you sounded.

   “I’m sorry,” Dean couldn’t even meet your gaze. “I think it’s been over for a while but I was trying to hold on for you. I’m just not in love with you, Y/N.”

   “Okay, Dean,” you stood up feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders but too tired to fight it anymore.  “I think it’s best that I leave the bunker then.”

    “I think it’s for the best,” Dean nodded and disappeared from your room. Your dreams were dead and Dean didn’t care that he was losing you. It was so hard packing your life away and saying goodbye but it had to be done. Despite the finality of it, you knew you would always dream that someday, somehow Dean would find his way back to you.  

**Like a heartbeat, drives you mad  
In the stillness of remembering, what you had,  
And what you lost and what you had and what you lost**

     Dean sped the Impala down the road as Sam continuously dialed your number. Amara’s fog was heading towards the town where you had held up after leaving. Dean had been an idiot in thinking breaking your heart would appease Amara’s obsession with getting you out of the picture. Now she was practically on your doorstep and Dean felt helpless remembering the hurt he’d caused you. Then the memories of happy times you had shared. Stargazing, stolen kisses, hunting together, and his favorite watching you sleep as you tucked into his chest.

     “Dean!” Sam yelled pointing ahead. The Winchesters eyes widened as Amara stood in the middle of the road. You were on your knees in front of her. The black veins from her fog marred your flesh and in your hand was the knife Dean himself gave to you on your birthday.

     Dean slammed the Impala into park and scrambled out of the car, “Amara! No! Don’t do this!”

     “I have to Dean so we can be together. You’ll never choose me if she’s alive,” Amara reached down touching your face as you looked up at her. “It’s time.”

     Before Sam or Dean could react Amara vanished and you brought the knife up and stabbed yourself in the abdomen in a rapid succession until Dean pried the knife away. “No, baby, please,” Dean pleaded pulling you into his arms as the blood soaked through your sundress. “I’m sorry baby. It was a lie, I love you, I love you.”

    Your hand reached up barely grazing his cheek as you smiled with blood seeping from your lips, “I know.” With a second rattled breath your hand fell and Dean and Sam watched as the lip vanished from your eyes. Dean had lost the love of his life and Sam had lost a little sister.

    As you’d requested they burned your body scattering the ashes in the field where Dean would take you star gazing. He never knew it was the spot you’d always hoped he would propose to you from. A time that now would never come. Dean sat back in Baby waiting for the stars to come out so he could be with you one last time. He picked out a tape you had made of your favorite songs popping it in the cassette player. As the song began to play Dean slowly succumb to his pain and wept as Stevie Nicks filled the car and all Dean could remember was everything he had and had now lost.

**Like a heartbeat, drives you mad  
In the stillness of remembering, what you had,  
And what you lost and what you had and what you lost**

**Thunder only happens when it’s raining  
Players only love you when they’re playing  
Women, they will come and they will go  
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know**


End file.
